Music

Remission

Journal Entry 8/2/23

I am in remission. Officially. Was told by two different doctors that I can say the word remission and mean it. It feels like it’s not real, but it is. 

Cancer has changed me in so many ways, I don’t think I can even describe the scope of it. but I’ll try to tell you some of the things.

There are some obvious changes. 

If you look at my belly you will see a foot long scar (pubes to boobs). It’s healing nicely and I have unexpected impulses to show it to people.

I am still bald, but my hair will grow back. I’m almost tempted to keep it shaved. It’s my cancer card. My excuse for having groceries delivered (the delivery drivers don’t seem nearly as judge-y when you answer the door with a bald head). 

Inside of me there are a whole bunch of parts missing. Thankfully, I don’t seem to miss them at all. Although their absence creates some menopause like discomforts, like hot flashes and heart racing and vaginal dryness, but we don’t need to talk about that. 

I think I escaped most of the neuropathy, but I do have some tingles in a couple of fingers on my right hand sometimes. 

Less obviously is the tiredness that comes from the treatments. They say that recovery time is 2 months per 1 month of treatment, so I should be back to something like normal in about a year. Although because I’m on a maintenance drug that may take longer. In lessons and socializing with friends, I seem to have enough energy to act “normal”, but then I definitely need a nap that afternoon, or the next day. 

My brain doesn’t work as fast as it once did. And I sometimes get words mixed up as they are coming out of my mouth. It could be amusing, I guess, but mostly it’s just a little frustrating and I have to slow down and reset and have compassion for myself and speak slower. 

My spirit is struggling to make sense of the cancer still, but more than that, I’m examining my life and the way I spend my time. The things that I want to do with the time I’ve got left.

Because cancer reminds you, that you will die. Hopefully I’ll still get to be an old lady with long white hair, but I don’t know that for sure anymore. 

And so, I rest. I play. I love. I write. And I try to create more music, because my voice is most easily expressed in music.  

Kate, wearing glasses and a black beanie, leans back in a chair by the fire pit in a friends back yard.

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The Lazy Cat

This post is overdo, but surgery went well and recovery is underway. I can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks since I went into the hospital at 4:30 in the morning to go under the knife… Two weeks! I got my staples out yesterday and I feel like my body is becoming my own again, and the report from my oncologist/surgeon was good. Surgery got the cancer out and chemo will get what they couldn’t see.

Still moving slowly, but beginning to take walks around the block and down to the coffee shop. Roxy and I still spend a fair amount of time lazing in bed each day!

Piano Piece by Kate. Video starring: Lady Roxy of Lazington

Two weeks of resting and trying not to overdo it has left me feeling very cat-like… In fact I think I might be turning into Roxy:

Kate and Roxy merged into one. Thanks, Christian and AI art!

Rest when you need it! I know I will… Being a cat isn’t so bad!

❤️ Kate

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Off With Her Hair!

Kate’s Big Hair Cut.

Feeling any sort of power over the cancer diagnosis has been elusive, but I have achieved a victory with chopping off all of my hair! Taking control of this tiny aspect of this process makes me feel warrior-like and like I’m calling at least some of the shots. 

Christian has been going to George for his hair cuts since he was a boy, and George has become dear to me as well. So, it completely made sense for us to go to him for my drastic new do! 

We are sending my hair to Caring and Comfort a wig maker who specializes in helping women with hair loss and they will make my hair into a wig for me! 

If you are interesting in helping me on my cancer journey (Kate’s Quest). There are many ways to fight this battle! Of course, money is an extremely useful thing…I have decent insurance and it seems like it’s covering most of this, but with ancillary expenses that are going to start adding up, I know this spring and summer is going to be tight. 

My favorite way for you to help me would be for you to consider sponsoring me monthly on my Patreon. Not only will you help me out, but you’ll get updates and early access to hear and watch music that I’ve written!

You could donate directly to me, just make a note about what it’s for:  Venmo: @Kate-Kohler-1 or Paypal: Kate@katekohler.com 

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